i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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