literally had 100 drinks last night.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
