i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
