I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
