I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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