Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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