He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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