dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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