if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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