Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
