awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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