how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
