I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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