I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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