My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
