11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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