Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It was confusing and full of hummus
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
