He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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