I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
