Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need a burrito and a hug.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
