I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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