dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
