OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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