Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize