R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
