foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
