i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
