For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So much rum. So many feels.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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