Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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