I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
