I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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