I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
