Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
