After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize