my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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