He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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