double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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