so that wasnt chicken after all
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore