I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex