Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.