at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?