I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning