Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.