Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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