forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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