I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
