I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
