Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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