I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
