At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize