so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
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You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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