the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
