I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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