I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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