A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize