I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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