hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
