Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
