I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi