She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.