we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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