I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
