smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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