I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize