I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
