It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just blew my weed a kiss
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
