She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it hurts more in the daytime
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
