Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My penis needs a shock collar
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
